Stop Paying Mortgage

I own a 2-family home in Brockton, MA. When we took out mtg & 2nd mtg house was worth almost $450,000, It currently is worth $219,000. Our combined payments are almost $2900/mth. My husband is now disabled and my son goes to college. I am only one working. We will never recoup the equity in this house which is old. We have an inground pool which husband can no longer take care of, nor the grounds. It is my childhood home and I've lived here for 52 years. We can no longer afford payments. Tried to get a modification w/Ocwen and they said we are current plus we have 401K so they wouldn't work with us. At this point I'm thinking of walking away as it's not worth stressing my husband who has many illnesses. I can't keep up with it myself as I have illnesses too. My son has lost his job and is trying to complete college. How long will we be able to stay in home in MA before we will have to leave. I want to try to save up the$$ to move if we have to. I don't want to lose the home as so many wonderful memories here. If the bank would just work with us, none of this would have to happen. YOu would think they'd work with you until the property values increase; then, I'd have no problem trying to sell to pay off what is owed. Banks make is so hard, but yet they don't want to be left with the property. What is the recourse if you stop paying completely? Can they take your 401K or retirement funds?