How can I convince my lender to help with a loan modification?

three years ago, i was engaged to be married, and my fiance wanted "us" to live in a larger home than the one i lived in for 13 years. i put my house on the market while we looked for a house. he found a house plan (new construction), i liked it, and i applied for a mortgage loan for the new house, on the promise that he would pay me back when he got his retirement payout (he had assets of well over a million dollars and a six figure income). my first house did not sell for 4 months, and he wanted to move into the new house that was finished, so i took out a bridge loan from my "old" house for the down payment and "we" closed on the new house (he had provided the $13,000 binder payment). we lived in it for two months, and then he told me he was breaking the engagement and moving out---but promised to still pay me back as he knew i could not afford three mortgages. long story short, he broke all his promises and left me in financial ruin. my first house had been on the market for three years and i was on the verge of bankruptcy. i filed a lawsuit against him that i should have won, but justice was not done. the judge ruled as if he believed his lies under oath, but in his final judgment, urged him to "do the right thing," but of course he did not. still reeling from two years of litigation and just trying to survive, the credit union who i had been with for 26 years agreed to offer me a deed in lieu of foreclosure on the "first" house, which is way underwater now in this economy. so, now although i don't have the burden of the mortgage and other expenses for that house (aside from taxes on the deficiency when it does sell), i still cannot afford the one i am in, as it is twice as expensive as i can afford on my income. this house is worth much less than i paid for it in 2007, and in three years i have not built up much equity. my best option now, i think, would be to do a loan modification. however, i found out my loan was not freddie mac or fannie mae (probably due to the 20% down--my money) so lenders say they cannot do anything for me. plus, of course, my credit score must be way down from the 824 score i had three years ago according to posts i've seen about scores going down 250 points with dil. one bank told me that my only choice would be to go back to the original loaner (they have held both my mortgages, and the bridge loan). they never should have let my loans go through, and i am convinced they did so because my fiance was at every loan meeting and they knew his assets because he also was a member. my question: what tactic should i use to convince the lender to modify my mortgage so i can afford it? otherwise, they will be getting another house turned over to them, or i will have to declare bankruptcy and they will get no money!